Sunday, February 13, 2011

Speaking Straight

Ever since I was able to speak, I have had a knack for getting common phrases, words and metaphors slightly wrong.  I blame this on the inner workings of my brain finding the most efficient link to something that kinda sound like what it supposed to be.

Age 4: The crockery item which makes it easier to gobble down a boiled egg 
With all of my efforts, I honestly, right now, cannot tell you the proper name for this item…OK, I just asked my boyfriend, to reacquaint me with the term and it is apparently called an egg cup. I will defend my feeble four year old brain and maintain that the term egg holder clearly makes more sense. Up until this time, as a four year old I had only even seen liquid in cups, and solid boiled eggs in a cup was/is still far too much for my brain to fathom and accept.

Age 6: The mechanical tools to clear rain water off car windshields.
I like to call these wipe screamers as opposed to the correct naming; wind screen wipers. Wipe screamers are very good at wiping away water and scream with understandable irritation if they are turned on when there is not enough water to seamlessly to glide and organise the water away. Nowadays there are very few wipe screamers around; new cars are too posh. The best wipe screamers I have even known were on my mum’s Datsun, they would scream even when torrential rain was pelting the windshield.

Age 12: The Aussie country man’s iconic rain jacket
This is officially called a drizabone as in as dry as a bone, but I will always call it bonedriezer. 

Age 28: In reply to boyfriend’s foolish attempt to be win an argument

“You can’t pull the wool over my shoulders!”
Damn straight sir, I believe you are incorrect and my shoulder will remain uncovered and chilled until you start speaking the truth.
Pulling the wool over one’s eye’s would never be possible as wool is quite scratchy. If it were silk or cashmere, OK you might get away with it, but wool will always irritate an eyeball and be noticed. Pulling wool over the shoulders, you might get away with as 1. The shoulders are not as sensitive, so the stealth move may go unnoticed and 2. The person may appreciate it if it is a chilly night.

1 comment:

  1. Ouch! Stop making me laugh so hard. I have bruised ribs. The wipe screamers. Oh my god. Ouch! I can hear the screaming Datsun in my head.